Q & A with Jay is a weekly column maintained by Detroit Chic writer, Jay. She answers readers’ questions and concerns about some of the most embarrassing, troublesome and pressing relationship issues. Have a question? Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org!
This week’s question comes from Alaina in Romeo:
My boyfriend and I recently moved in together (like 3 months ago) and everything is great. But there is a problem- HE IS SO MESSY. I try really hard to talk to him about it but always ends in a fight. I really care about him and I’m happy that we’ve taken the next step in our relationship but I can’t live in a pigsty any longer. How can I get him to help without sounding like his mother?
YIKES! This is something I’m sure a LOT of women can relate to! The thing is though; he chose to make a decision to SHARE a home with you. He needs to learn to treat it as such. This isn’t his room anymore where his mother comes in lovingly and turns clothes on the floor into perfectly folded fresh laundry in the drawer. I’m sorry that when you try to express yourself it turns into a fight, but I think it may be because he’s not realizing WHAT exactly you are mad at. If this was his home on his own and you complained then yes, he could get upset. Maybe approach the situation differently. Instead of coming at him attacking the life he has ALWAYS known (aka a mother’s love) maybe tell him that you live differently and in a tidier manner. And then you both can find a common ground of what he can be a little messy with and what should be squeaky clean (and REALLY put emphasis on when guests arrive!) But I will say that this has to be something you must keep talking about, because I truly believe being open and honest, even if it’s something someone does not want to hear, is the right way to go about a relationship you’d like to last. And by the sounds of how things are going it looks like he is your “one” Good luck with the adjusting. This should be an easy fix and you two will be one step further in the relationship!
Best of luck!